Friends harry potter addition seasons 1 to 5
by lozza1989
Summary: Harry potter/Frineds crossover, pretty much the same as the tv series but with a few minor changes and the six main charaacters being replaced by Harry potter characters. Not in script format,please leave a review stating your opinion.
1. Chapter 1

The one with Ginny's new flatmate part one

Cast

Ginny Weasley-Monica

Hermione Granger_Rachel

Luna Lovegood-Phoebe

Ron weasley-Ross

Harry potter-Chandler

Neville Longbottom-Joey

It was a rainy afternoon in Hogsmeade village ,Ginny,Luna,Harry and Neville where all sat in the three broomsticks pub drinking butterbeers and Ginny was telling them about the date she was going on later that night.

"So, how are you in a special relationship with this guy or what?" Harry asked with pure ineterest.

"Look" Ginny replied with a deep sigh "there's nothing to tell, he's just some guy I work with."

"Well come on Gin, you're going out with the guy, there must be something wrong with him" Neville replied. Harry stared at him.

"Alright Neville be nice" he said then turning his attention to Ginny who had now gone a slight shade of red "so, does he have a hump, a hump and hair piece."

"No he doesn't Harry,don't you say such things" Ginny replied accusingly.

"Oh wait, does he chalk?" Luna piped up suddenly. They all stared at her with bemused expressions and Luna just simply rolled her eyes.

"I was just saying" Luna protested as she threw her arms up in the air. Ginny sighed, leaned back in her seat and rubbed her forehead before composing herself a few seconds later.

"Ok, everybody relax, it's not even a date, it was just two people going out, having dinner and not having sex" Ginny replied "he's not even that attractive anyway."

"Well it sounds like a date to me" Harry stated sarcasticly. Ginny gave him the evils. Half and hour later, Harry was telling them about a dream he had the night before.

"Alright, so I'm back at Hogwarts,I'm standing in the middle of the great hall and I realize that I'm totally naked" Harry told them as they all took in what he was saying.

"Oh yeah, had that dream" they all replied to Harry's shocked expression,but he just simply shrugged it off and contiued.

"So, I look down and I realize that there's a phone there" Harry informed.

"Instead of a..?" Neville asked.

"That's right" Harry replied "which was kind of weird because we didn't have phones in Hogwarts."

"Oh, I never had that dream" Neville replied "maybe phones only exist at hogwarts in your dream world, Harry potter." Harry glared at Neville for a full five minutes before continuing along with his story.

"So anyway" he continued "the phone starts ringing and I don't know what to do because everyone is looking at me and Dumbledore strangely gives me the thumbs up for some strange reason."

"And they wasn't looking at you before?" Ginny asked. Harry shook his head.

"Not al all, so anyway, the phone starts to ring so I'd figure I'd better answer it and it turns out that it's my mum which was pretty weird because she's dead" Harry said. They all go "Oooh." Suddenly,Ron weasley came bursting through the door carrying his umbrella and dripping head to toe in rain water. He slumps over to the group, looking rather mortified.

"Hi" he said in a pityfull tone as he sat down next to his sister.

"This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself" Neville pointed out, indicating to Ron who at that moment was looking pretty miserable. Ginny put a comforting arm round her Brother's shoulders.

"Are you ok sweetie?" she asked in a comforting tone. Ron shook his head.

"I feel like someone reached down my throat, pulled out my small intestines and wrapped them three times around my neck" Ron replied "I feel awful."

"Cookie?" Harry asked, offering Ron a large chocolate chip cookie.

"No, I don't feel like having a cookie today" Ron replied.

"Gee, what's eating him, he never refuses a cookie" Harry said "he's like the cookie king who eats all the cookies in the world, I'd thought I'd never see the day that Ron weasley would turn down a delicious cookie." Ginny looked at him.

"Lavender moved her stuff out today" Ginny told the others before turnig back to Ron "Let me get you a butterbeer."

"Thanks" Ron said "I could really do with one of those." As Ginny went to get Ron a butterbeer, Luna stood up, walked up to Ron and started plucking the air around him which annoyed Ron Slightly.

"No Luna stop it, stop cleansing my aura,just leave my aura alone" Ron warned her.

"Fine, be murky" Luna huffed before going back to her seat.

"So, are you sad that lavender left?" Harry asked.

"I'll be fine alright" Ron said "really, I hope she'll be very happy." Ginny came back with Ron's butterbeer and sat back down next to him.

"No you don't" Ginny told him "You don't hope she'll be very happy."

"No I don't, to hell with her, she left me" Ron agreed.

"And you never knew she was a lesbian" Neville pointed out.

"No Ok?" Ron asked them all with a deep sigh "why does everyone keep fixating on that,she didn't even know she was a lesbian so how should I know that she was a lesbian, she only founf out when she met that girl and found she had feelings for her."

"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian" Harry said to himself which unfortunatly everyone heard because they were all staring at him like he was something strange and forbidden.

"Did I just say that out loud?" he asked. They all nodded and Harry leaned back in his seat,turning a shade of light scarlett. Ron took a drink from his butterbeer and turned to face Ginny who was now applying some mascara to her eyes.

"I told mum and dad last night and they seemed to take it really well" he told his sister.

"Oh really" Ginny replied, setting her mascara down on the table "so that hysterical howler I got from a woman sobbing at three in the morning saying I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren was sent by a complete stranger's owl that got lost and sent it to the wrong person,me?"

"Sorry" Ron grumbled miserably. Neville stood up and sat down in the spare seat next to Ron and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Alright Ron,Look,you're feeling a lot of pain right now, you're angry and you're hurting so can I tell you what the answer it?" Neville asked. Ron nodded to indicate that he was wanting to know.

"Strip joint" Neville blurted out. Ron pushed himself away, shocked but Neville carried on "Come on, you're single, have some hormones." Harry, Luna,Ginny and Ron gave him the "shut up" look before Ron started to speak up again.

"Look, I don't wanna be single ok, I just want to be married again." At that moment, Hermione Granger came bursting in through the doors, dressed in what looked like a wedding dress and she was soaking from the rain. She started looking around the three bromsticks for Ginny until she had found her and came rushing over to her.

" Oh God, Ginny, Hi,thankgod, I just went to your building and you wasn't there and then this guy who lived there said you might be here and you are, you are" Hermione said as she hugged her friend all the way through what she had just said.

"Do you want a butterbeer?" The waitress asked Hermione.

"Not to strong for her ok" Ginny said, indicating to Hrmione before taking her over to the group "Ok hermione, you remember these guys from Hogwarts,Harry, Luna, neville and you remember my brother ron."

"Yeah, I do, Hi Ron" Hermione said, walking over to Ron. Ron stood up to hug her but his umbrella suddenly opened between them, so Ron sat back down, feeling defeated and leaving the umbrella open. Hermione gave him a small smile and sat down herself.

"So, do you wanna tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaid?" Ginny asked jokingly. Hermione leaned back in her chair with a sigh and began to tell them all what had just happened.

"Well, it all started about half an hour before the wedding. I was in a room where we were keeping all the presents and I was looking at this gravy boat,this really gorgeous lamauge gravy boat when all of a sudden, I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Viktor Krum."

"You were marrying that ape?" Ron asked in horror.

"Not anymore Ronald" Hermione replied before continuing " So anyway, I got really freaked out and that's when it hit me,how much Viktor looks like Mr Potatoe head and I never even noticiced it before until today when I was sat in that room."

"So what did you do next?" Harry asked.

"Well, I realised that I had to get out of there and I started wondering why I am doing this and who am I doing this for, so anyway, I climbed out the window and ran down the street not knowing where I was going to go and I know Ginny that you and I kind of drifted apart, but you were the only person I knew who lived here in this town" Hermione explained.

"Who wasn't invited to the wedding" Ginny said matter o factly. Hermione started to look slightly guilty.

"Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue" Hermione said, blushing. An hour later, all six of them were at Ginny's flat, Ginny, Harry, Luna, Ron and Neville were watching a spanish movie on the tv and Hermione was in the kitchen talking on the phone to her dad.

"Now, I'm guessing that he bought that big pipe organ and she's not really happy about it" Ginny said, indicating to a character on the movie who had just bought another character a pipe organ. The other four who were watching the movie were imitating the characters on the movie.

"Tuna or egg salad. Decide" Harry said, imitating one of the characters.

"I'll have whatever Christine is having" Ron said, imitating another character and speaking in a deep voice whilst Hermione was still talking on the phone.

"Dad, just listen to me ok, I just can't marry him, I'm sorry ok, I just don't love him anymore" She said to her dad down the phone. The other five where still in the living room watching the movie and the scene on the movie had now changed to two women on the stairs and one of the women was holding her hair. Harry, Luna, Ron and Neville were still imitating the characters

"If I let go of my hair my head will fall off" Luna said, imitating the woman who was holding her hair.

"Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants" Harry pointed out "those pants are so last century."

"I say push her down the stairs" neville yelled. Soon, neville, Luna, Harry and Ron where all chanting "push her down the stairs, push her down the stairs." The woman on the movie was pushed down the stairs and Harry,Luna, Ron and Neville cheered. Hermione was still talking on the phone in the kitchen.

"Come on dad just listen to me, it's like all my life everyone has told me that you're a shoe,a shoe and today I just stopped and said, what if I don't want to be a shoe, what if want to be a purse or a hat, no dad I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat I'm saying I am a hat, don't say that,it's a metaphor dad" Hermione screamed down the phone.

"You can see where'd he have trouble" Ron said from the living room ans Hermione continued talking to her dad.

"Look dad, it's me life ok and I'm going to stay here with Ginny" she said down the phone. Luna, Harry, Neville and Ron all look at Ginny.

"Well I guess we've established who's staying here with Ginny" Ginny said, indicating to Hermione who was still in the kitchen.

"Well maybe that's my decision dad, yeah well maybe I don't need your money. Wait dad don't hang up I said maybe I said…" The line went dead and Hermione pulls the phone away from her ear, indicating that her dad has hung up on her. A few minutes later, Hermione was sat on Ginny's sofa, breathing into a paper bag. Ginny and Luna where sat with her plus Neville and Harry were raiding the fridge in the kitchen.

"Just breath, that's it" Ginny reassured as she put her arm round hermione's shoulders "now try to thing of nice calm thoughts." It was at that moment when Luna burst into song.

"Raindrops and roses and kittens,bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens, la la la la something and noodles with string, these are a few…" she stopped when she realised that both Ginny and Hermione where giving her the "please don't" look.

"I'm all better now" Hermione sighed as she put the paper bag on the coffee table and got up to leave only to be stopped by Ginny.

"Look, maybe it's best that you stay here for a while" Ginny reassured her.

"That's really nice of you Gin" Hermione said "you're a real frined you know." Neville came walking into the front room, munching on a slice of pizza and sat down next to Hermione.

"And hey, if you ever need anything, you can always come to Neville, me and harry just live across the hall and he's always away a lot" Neville told her.

"Neville" Ginny warned "stop hitting on her, it's her wedding day."

"What?" Neville protested, throwing his amrs in the air "like there's a rule or something." He got up and headed back into the kitchen just as the buzzer on Ginny's door goes off. Harry came running from the bathroom to answer it whilst quickly zipping up his jeans.

"Please don't do that again, it is a horrible sound" H arry said into the intercom.

"It's uh, dean" came the voice of Dean thomas over the other end of the intercom "is Ginny there?"

"Oh god it's six thirty" Ginny said, looking at her watch " Harry, be a pal and buzz him in will you,I have to get ready." She ran into her bedroom.

"Who's Dean?" Neville asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Dean Thomas from school" Ron said "he was in Gryffindor with you me, Harry, Hermione and Ginny."

"Hey Ginny" Neville called to Ginny "Your not a real date is with Dean thomas?"

"Yeah" Ginny called from the bedroom.

"Oh, this is a dear diary moment" Harry pointed out sarcasticly. Ginny emerged from the bedroom and notices that Hermione is looking a little disapointed.

"Herm,wait, I can cancel" she said, going to sit next to her as Hermione shook her head.

"Please no, no, you go ahead, I'll be fine" Hermione reasured Ginny who gave her a small smile before walking over to Ron who was sat at the kitchen table.

"Are you ok?" she asked her older brother "I mean,do you want me to stay?"

"That'll be good" Ron replied in a choked voice.

"Really?" Ginny asked in a horrified voice.

"No, go on" Ron replied, shaking his head "no go on, it's Dean, your boyfriend from your fith year at hogwarts."

"Well if you're sure because I can easily arrange it for another time" Ginny explained.

"No really, I'm fine you go ahead and have a great time" Ron said, trying not to sound to disapointed. Ginny gave her brother a smile, patted him on the shoulder just as there was a knock at the door.

"Oh I better answer that" Ginny said as she walked over to the door and answered it to Dean.

"Hi Dean come in"Ginny said as she showed Dean into the flat where the other five where lined up in the kitchen "ok, I espect you all remember Dean" Ginny todl them all.

"Yeah, hi Dean from Hogwarts" they all said at the same time. Harry walked over to him with a quizzical look on his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, Dean was it?" Harry asked.

"Come on Harry, we were both in the same house at Hogwarts, I'd expect you would remember me by now" Dean pointed out.

"I do, I was just checking that you wasn't an imposter" Harry replied. Everyone looked at him.

"Never mind" Harry muttered to himself.

"Oh, I pulled out four eyelashes, that can't be good" Luna said as she pulled out four of her eyelashes. Ginny went into her bedroom to get changed and Neville walked over to Dean, telling him that Ginny really liked being rubbed on her kneck in the same spot over and over again until it turned red.

"Shut up Neville" Ginny called from the bedroom. Ron walked over to Hermione and asked her if she had any plans for the evening.

"Well, I was kinda supposed to be heading for Aruba on my honeymoon,so nothing" Hermione replied as she sat down at the kitchen table. Ron sat down next to her.

"Right" he replied "You're not even getting your honeymoon, god..no,no, although, Aruba, this time of year, talk about your big lizards. Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Neville and Harry are coming over to help me put together my new furniture."

"Yes, and we're very excited about it" Harry replied in a deadpan voice. Neville was rooting through the fridge again.

"Well actually thanks" Hermione replied "but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kind of a long day."

"Ok, sure" Ron replied, sounding a little disapointed as he really liked Hermione and had a crush on her.

"Hey luna, you wanna help?" Neville asked Luna who was now stood in the middle of the living room, playing with her hair by twirling it around her fingers.

"Oh I wish I could but I don't want to" she replied. Neville accepted her answer and left her to her own devices. Later that night, Luna was at Hogsmeade station with a guitar and she was singing.

" Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love,is like a giant pigeon.. crapping on my heart, la la la la la la la la la oooh" she sang as many people walked passed, putting coins in her guitar case. She thanked them in between singing her song. Meanwhile, over at Ron's flat, Ron, Harry and Neville were there attempting to put together a bookcase and Ron was reading the instructions whilst kneeling

"I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the sides, using a bunch of these little worm guys" Ron said then procceeded to look for what he needed but couldn't find them "I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys what so ever and I cannot feel my legs." A couple of hours after attempting the fix up the bookcase, the three of them had finally managed to finish it but it looked wrong.

"I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here" Neville said.

"It's a beautiful thing" Harry agreed.

"Hey, what's this?" neville asked,picking up what looked like an L-shaped bracket.

"I would have to say that is an L-shaped bracket" Harry replied.

"Which goes where?" Neville asked, trying to find whereabouts it went on the bookcase.

"I have no idea" Harry replied. Neville checked to see that Ron wasn't looking before throwing the L-shaped bracket into a plant pot.

"We're done with the bookcase" Neville called to Ron who was in the kitchen.

"All finished" Harry added. Ron emerged from the kitchen, clutching a can of beer and looking very emotional.

"This was lavender's favourite beer" he sniffed "she always drank it out of the can."

"hey hey hey" Neville said, rushing over to Ron "if you're gonna start with that stuff,we're outta here."

"Yes, please, don't spoilt the fun" Harry added with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Meanwhile, Ginny and Dean where both dining in a restaurant in pair of them were having a conversation about Dean's ex gilrfriend.

"Oh my god" Ginny said, indicating that Dean had just told her something shocking.

"I know" Dean replied "I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four or five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?"

"My brother's going through that right now" Ginny pointed out "he's such a mess. So, how did you get through it?"

"Well" Dean replied "you might try accidently breaking something valuable of hers,say her…"

"Leg?" Ginny added. Dean started laughing.

"That's one way" he replied whilst chuckling "but me, I went for the watch." Ginny stared at him with wide eyes.

"You actually broke her watch?" she asked.

"Afraid so" Dean replied. Back over at Ginny's flat, Hermione was pacing up and down around the room, talking on the phone again.

"Viktor, I'm sorry, I am so sorry . I know your probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about making love with your socks on, but it isn't, it's about me" she said down the phone as she continued to pace around the flat. Back at Ron's flat, Ron was also pacing whilst Harry and Neville were fixing up some more furniture.

"I'm divorced" Ron said as he paced around the flat "I'm only twenty six and I'm divorced."

"Look Ron, you got to understand,between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a mento" Harry explained "you, however have had the love of a woman for four years, four years of closeness and sharing at the end which she ripped your heart out, and that is why, we don't do it."

"You know what the scariest part is?" Ron asked "What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know, I mean, what if you get one woman and that's it?"

"What are you talking about?" Neville asked "One woman,that's like saying there's only one flavour to bertie botts every flavour beans for you. Let me tell you something Ron, there's loads of flavours out there, there's peppermint, toast, marmalade and coffee. You got married, welcome to the world, grab a spoon."

"I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny" Ron pointed out. Back at the restaurant where Ginnt and Dean where, they were still having a conversation and eating their meals.

"Ever since she walked out on me, I uh" Dean said, unable to finish his sentence.

"What?" Ginny asked "you want to spell it out with noodles."

"No, it's more of a fith date kind of revelation" Dean replied.

"So there is gonna be a fifth date?" Ginny asked.

"Isn't there?" Dean asked, confused.

"yeah, I think so" Ginny replied "So, what were you going to say?"

"Well, ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to uh peform, sexually" Dean replied. Ginny spat her drink out of her mouth in shock.

"Oh god, I am so sorry" Ginny said, feeling rather embarrased.

"It's ok" Dean replied as he wiped himself down with a napkin. Ginny had now turned a bright shade of scarlett.

"I know being spit on is probably now what you need right now" she said.

"Honestly Gin, it's no big deal" Dean replied "stop worrying yourself so much." Meanwhile at Ginny's flat,Hermione was watching a movie on tv where two people were getting married and she was sobbing.

"We are gathered here today to join Julie anderson and charles cunnigham in the bound of holy matrimony" said the priest on the tv who was marrying the man and woman.

"Oh see,but Julie loves Charles, that's different" Hermione sobbed. Back at Ron's flat, he, Harry and Neville were all sat around, talking.

"Grab a spoon" Ron said scornfully "Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?" Both Harry and Neville were hanging onto everyword as Ron continued on.

"You know, there's a thing. Even if I could get it together enough to ask a woman out, who am I going to ask?" he went over to the window and gazed out of it while over at Ginny's flat, Hermione was also gazing out of the window.

End of part one.


	2. the one with ginny's new flatmate part 2

The one with Ginny's new flatmate part two

It was the morning after Ron had moved into his new flat and Hermione had ran away from her wedding. She was in the kitchen with Neville and Harry making cups of coffee for the two whilst the pair of them where sat at the kitchen table waiting for their coffee.

"Isn't this amazing?" she asked as she finished pouring the contents into the mugs "I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life." She finished off the two coffees then bought them over to Harry and Neville.

"That is amazing" Harry replied.

"Congratulations" Neville added.

"You know, I figure if I can make coffee,there isn't anything I can't do" Hermione pointed out as she headed into the spare bedroom she was sleeping in.

"Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you got to make a western omelet or something" Neville pointed out. Both he and harry took a drink of their coffee's grimaced and then poured it into a plantpot that was placed in the middle of the table.

"Although, I'm really not that hungry" Neville continued just as Ginny emerged from the bedroom.

"Oh good,Lenny and squigy are here" she muttered to herself, referring to Harry and Neville.

"Morning" greeted Dean who had emerged from Ginny's bedroom shortly after.

"Morning Dean" Neville replied.

"Hello Paul" Hermione called from the spare bedroom.

"Hi, Dean isn't it?" Harry asked, cocking his eyebrows again at Dean "the real Dean,not am imposter?" Monica pulled Dean out of the flat and into the hallway to talk where none of the others could here them but they moved the table closer to the door so they could listen to the conversation.

"Thank you, thank you so much" Dean said to Ginny "last night was amazing."

"Oh stop" Ginny giggled.

"No, I'm telling you last night ummm, all my birthdays,both graduations and everysingle qudditch match I ever saw during my years at Hogwarts" Dean continued.

"We'll talk later ok" Ginny said, giving Dean a slight push. Dean gave Ginny a small peck on the cheeks then he headed off down the nearest flight of stairs. Ginny went back into her flat to discover that the others must have been listening to their conversation because the table had been moved closer to the door. She eyed them all suspiciously with raised eyebrows.

"That wasn't a real date?" Neville asked "what the hell do you do on a real date?"

"Shut up and put my table back" Ginny ordered with her hands on her hips.

"Ok" they all groaned before putting the table back in it's rightful place.

"All right, kids, I got to get to work" Harry announced "If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference."

"So, you guys all have jobs?" Hermione asked, looking at everysingle one of them.

"Yeah we all have jobs" Ginny replied "see, that's how we buy stuff."

"Yeah, I'm an actor" Neville said. Hermione looked at him, wide-eyed.

"Wow,would I ever see you in anything?" she asked. Neville just simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I doubt it" he replied "Moslty regional work."

"OH wait" Ginny pointed out "unless you happened to catch the reruns production of Pinocchio at the little theatre."

"Look, it was a job all right" Neville said. Harry stood up and started chuckling.

"Look,Gipetto, I'm a real live boy" Harry said as everyone except for Neville chuckled slightly. Neville however didn't find it very amusing.

"I will not take abuse" he said, pointing at Harry warningly before opening the door to leave.

"You're right, I'm sorry" Harry replied before suddenly bursting into song and dancing out of the door "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy."

"You should both know, that he's a dead man" Neville told Hermione and Ginny before chasing after Harry out the door. Ginny then gave hermione a concerned look.

"How you doing today?" she asked her whilst grinning "did you sleep ok,talk to Viktor, I can't stop smiling."

"I can see that" Hermione implied "you look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth."

"I know, he's just so, so.. Do you remember you and Seamus finnigan?" Ginny asked.

"Oh yeah" Hermione replied.

"Well, it's like that, with feelings" Ginny implied.

"Oh wow" Hermione replied "are you in trouble."

"Big time" Ginny replied with a smirk.

"Want a wedding dress?" Hermione suggested, pointing at her wedding dress that was hung on the back of the spare bedroom door "Hardly used." Ginny had started laughing and patted Hermione gently on her shoulder.

"I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves" Ginny chuckled before managing to control herself ""Ok, Ok, I am just going to go to work and not think about him all day or I'm just going to go to work."

"Oh hermione replied "look, wish me luck."

"For what?" Ginny asked, looking at Hermione all confused.

"I'm going to get one of those" Hermione said before she stopped and thought for a minute before saying " job things." Ginny gave Hermione the thumbs up sign before heading off to work. A couple of hours later, Ginny was at work. She was sat in her office working just as one of her co-workers, frannie entered.

"Hey Ginny" Frannie greeted.

"Hey frannie, how was florida?" Ginny asked as she tidying some papers on her desk. Frannie looked at Ginny suspiciously.

"You had sex didn't you?" she asked. Ginny was slightly shocked by her question and taken aback.

"How do you know that?" Ginny asked.

"Oh I hate you" Frannie whined, throwing her arms up in the air "I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through parrot jungle and you're having sex, so who?"

"You know Dean?" Ginny asked.

"Dean, the guy from Hogwartswho was in the same house as you,oh yeah, I know Dean" Frannie scoffed.

"You mean you know Dean Like I know Dean?" Ginny asked, rather amazed.

"Are you kidding,I take credit for Dean, you know, before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years" Frannie pointed out as Ginny stared at her open mouthed. After work, Ginny had gone to the three broomsticks to meet up with the gang. All of them where there, except for Hermione. Neville was sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Of course it was a line" he told them.

"Why, why?" Ginny asked them all "why, why would somebody do something like that?"

"I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than to get you into bed" was Ron's replie.

"I hate men, I hate men" Ginny whined, flapping her arms about whilst sobbing.

"Oh no, don't hate men" Luna pointed out "you don't want to put that out into the universe."

"Is it me?" Ginny sobbed "is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"

"Alright, come here give me your feet" Luna said as he grabbed Ginny's feet and began to massage them.

"I just though he was nice you know" Ginny said as Luna continued to massage her feet.

"I can't believe you didn't know it was a line" N eville chuckled. Ginny pushed him off the sofa just as Hermione entered carrying a shopping bag.

"Guess what?" she said with excitement.

"You got a job?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"Are you kidding?" Hermione replied with a scoff "I'm trained for nothing, I was laughed out twelve interviews today."

"And yet your surprisingly upbeat" Harry responded.

"You would be too if you found john and david boots on sale" she said as she pulled out a pair of trendy looking boots out of her shopping bag "fifty percent off."

"Oh, how well you know me" Harry stated, gesturing to himself.

"They're my new I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots,boots" Hermione announced proudly as she showed them off to each and everyone one of them.

"How did you pay for them?" Ginny asked.

"Uh, credit card" Hermione replied,looking rather sheepish.

"And who pays for that?" Ginny asked.

"Ummm. My.. father" Hermione replied with a guilty little giggle. Soon they were back at Ginny's flat, everyone was sitting at the kitchen table with Hermione's credit cards all layed out on the table along with a pair of scissors.

"Oh god" Hermione replied "is this really nescessary, I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want."

"Come on,you can't live off your parents your whole life" Ginny stated.

"I know that" Hermione replied "that's why I was getting married."

"Give her a break" L una said giving Hermione a pityful look "it's hard being on your own for the first time." She gave Hermione a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"Thank you" Hermione said.

"You're welcome" Luna replied "I remember when I first came to this village, I was fourteen and when I got here I didn't know who anybody was, the only people I knew was the ones at hogwarts and they all thought I was a little strange but I just simply ignored it and carried on with the rest of my life."

"All right" Ginny said to Hermione as she handed her the scissors "you ready?"

"No" Hermione said, staring at all the credit cards "No, No, I'm not ready, how can I be ready, hey Mione,you ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute, come on, I can't do this"

"You can, I know you can" Ginny encouraged.

"I don't think so" Hermione replied, shaking her head.

"Come on, you made coffee" Ron pointed out "You can do anything." Harry slowly tried to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Neville poured coffee into it.

"Come" Ron urged "cut, cut,cut,cut cut." Soon the other five where all chanting for her to cut up the credit cards so Hermione picked up one of the cards and cut it. They all cheered.

"You know what" hermione said as she put the scissors back on the table "I think we can just leave it at that. It's kind of like a symbolic gesture.."

"Hermione, that was a library card" Ginny interupted , showing Hermione the card she had just cut up.

"Cut, cut, cut,cut,,cut" they all chanted as Hermione began cutting up her cards.

"You know, if you listen closely,you can hear a thousand retailers scream" Harry joked just as Hermione finished cutting up all the cards. They all cheered for her.

"Welcome to the real world, it sucks,but you're going to love it" Ginny said as she gave Hermione a big "well done" pat on the back. After Hermione had finished cutting up her cards, she and Ron where watching tv in the front room.

"Well that's it" Ginny said as she finished binning the destroyed credit cards before turning to Ron "you gonna crash on the couch?"

"No, no" said Ron shaking his head "I got to go home sometime."

"Will you be ok?" Ginny asked him with deep concern.

"Yeah" Ron replied.

"Hey, Gin, look what I just found on the floor" Hermione said, holding a watch up before she noticed that Ginny was smiling "what?"

"That's Dean's watch" Ginny replied "you just put it back where you found it." Hermione does so before walking over to Ron.

"Goodnight" they both said to Ginny who was now stomping on Dean's watch before going into her bedroom. The two look at each other with a "what was all that about?" expression before noticing that there was one more cookie left in the cookie jar.

"mmmm" said Ron as reached for the cookie as Hermione also attempted to reach it. "Ohno" Ron said.

"Sorry" Hermione replied, blushing a little.

"No, no, no go" Ron said, gesturing for her to take the cookie.

"No you have it, really, I don't want it" Hermione said.

"Split it?" Ron suggested.

"Ok" Hermione agreed. They both split the cookie and began eating their halves of it.

"You know you probably don't know this, but back in hogwarts, I had a, um, major crush on you."

"I knew" Hermione admitted.

"You did" Ron replied, rather taken aback "Oh, I always figured you just thought I was Ginny's geeky older brother."

"I did" Hermione replied.

"Oh, Listen,do you think and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here, but, do you think it would be if I aksed you out, sometime, maybe?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, maybe" Hermione replied, looking at Ron in a weird way.

"Ok.. ok, maybe I will" Ron replied as Hermione headed to her bedroom

"Goodnight" he called to her. Ginny came out of her bedroom and noticed that Ron was looking rather pleased with himself.

"What's with you?" she asked him.

"I just grabbed a spoon" Ron replied with a Grin before he headed out the door and Ginny just stood there with no clue as to what he just meant just now.

The next day, everyone was at the three broomstikcs and they were all sat in their favourite spot.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing here" Neville pointed out.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing here" Luna sang as she played her guitar.

"What, I, I said you had a-" Ginny said before she was cut off be Luna singing again with her guitar.

"What I said you had" she sang.

"Will you stop?" Ginny asked Luna in a rather annoyed tone.

"Oh, was I doing it again?" she asked looking sheepish.

"Yes" the other four replied. Ginny then turned to Neville.

"I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt" she told him.

"Oh" Neville replied "you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya."

"There's an image" Ron pointed out. Hermione came walking over to them, carrying a glass of butterbeer.

"Would anybody like more butterbeer?" she asked.

"Did you make it like the coffee or are your serving it?" Harry asked.

"I'm just serving it" Hermione replied.

"Ah, yeah, I'll have a glass of butterbeer" they all replied.

"Kids, new dream" Harry announced just as Hermione sat down to hear about Harry's dream "I'm in las vegas."

"Ahh miss, more butterbeer?" a customer called to Hermione sounding very impatient.

"Ugh" Hermione groaned as she stood up and handed the butterbeer to another customer who was just leaving "excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there, go ahead, thankyou." The other customer does so as Hermione sat down to hear the rest of harry's dream "sorry, ok, las vegas."

"Ok" Harry replied "so, I'm in las vegas and I'm liza minelli"

End of episode one.


	3. the one with the sonogram at the end

The one with the sonogram at the end

It had been nearly a week since Hermione had run out on her wedding and she was now staying with Ginny at her flat. At the moment, all six of them were sat at the hog's head pub in their usual spot and having a conversation.

"What you guys don't understand is, for us kissing is as important as any part of it" Ginny explained.

"Yeah right" Neville pointed out, smiling and nodding his head before changing his expression "you serious?"

"Oh yeah" Luna replied.

"Everything you need to know is in that first kiss" Hermione pointed out as Ginny nodded on in agreement.

"Absolutely" Ginny added.

"Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know, I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before pink Floyd comes out" Harry stated sarcastically.

"Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that, that …that's not why we bought the ticket" Ron complimented. They all looked at him before Harry spoke up again.

"The problem is, though, after the concerts over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, you know, I mean we're in the car, we're fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake" he explained.

"Yeah well word of advice" Hermione replied "bring back the comedian, otherwise next time you're going to find yourself sitting at home, listening to the album alone." Neville was now beginning to get confused.

"Are we still talking about sex?" he asked. Sometime later, Ron was working at hogsmeade's national history museum because that was where he worked and at the moment he was setting up an exhibit of cave people with a woman called Marsha. Ron was looking at a statue of a cave woman who looked slightly angry.

"Now, it's good, it is good, it's just that-mmm-doesn't she seems a little angry?" Ron asked as he briefly examined the statue.

"Well, she has issues?" Marsha replied.

"Does she?" Ron asked.

"Oh yeah, you see her husband, he's out banging other the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet" Marsha explained. Ron gave her a weird look.

"Marsha, these are cave people ok, they have issues like gee, that glaciers getting kind of close" Ron said just as Lavender, his ex-wife appeared behind the exhibit.

"Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?" Marsha asked. Ron quickly turned around and saw Lavender stood there.

"No, no, no" Ron said as he tried to ignore her.

"Yes it is" Marsha told him before going to lavender "lavender, hi."

"Ok, ok, yes it is" Ron yelled from inside the exhibit and waving "how about I'll uh catch up with you in the ice age." Marsha leaves and Ron waves at lavender for her to come into the exhibit. She does so and Ron began to feel a little uneasy.

"Erm, hi" he said timidly.

"So" Lavender replied.

"You look great" Ron told her. Lavender nodded in agreement.

"You look good too?" She replied.

"So what's new, still uuum a…?" Ron asked, unable to finish his sentence.

"A lesbian" lavender said, finishing the sentence of for him. Ron nodded in agreement, feeling a little disappointed.

"How's, um, the family?" Ron asked.

"Well, Marty's still paranoid. Oh and uh..."

"Why are you here lavender?" Ron asked, cutting her off.

"I'm pregnant?" lavender replied. At the moment, Ron had a look of shock on his face.

"Pregnant?" he said in a hushed voice. Lavender nodded. Meanwhile, back at Ginny and Hermione's flat, Harry, Neville, Luna and Ginny where watching a TV show called Three's company.

"Oh I think this is the episode of three's company where there's some kind of misunderstanding" Harry stated.

"Then I've already seen this" Luna said before getting up and switching off the television.

"Are you through with that?" Ginny asked Neville as she took a drink from him.

"Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down" Neville replied. Ginny nodded before she picked up a ball of paper.

"Whose little ball of paper is this?" she demanded.

"Oh, that would be mine" Harry replied "see, I wrote a note to myself and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and" he noticed that Ginny was glaring at him "now I wish I was dead." Ginny got up and started to fluff one of the pillows on the sofa.

"She's already fluffed that pillow, Ginny, you know you already fluffed that." Luna was cut off by Ginny glaring at her.

"Never mind , it's fine" Luna replied as Ginny continue to finish off fluffing the pillow before putting it back on the sofa and sitting back down. They all stared at her like she had gone insane for a second and Ginny seemed to notice this.

"Look "she told them "I'm sorry guys, I just don't want to give them any more ammunition than they already have."

"Yes" said Harry, turning sarcastic again "and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow." Ginny simply glared at him and Luna began waving in her face.

"Ginny, hi, um, Ginny, you're scaring me" Luna told her in a fast paced voice "I mean, you're like, you're all chaotic and twirly, not,not in a good way."

"Yeah calm down" Neville told Ginny, agreeing with what Luna had just said "You don't see Ron getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come."

"That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ron can do no wrong" Ginny replied "you see, he's the prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born." Harry got up and went to look out the window when he started flapping his arms.

"Ew, ew, ew,ew" he yelled.

"What?" Ginny asked.

"Naked Hagrid got a thighmaster" Harry replied.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwww" they all went just as Hermione emerged from her bedroom.

"Has anybody seen my engagement ring?" she asked as she pottered around, looking for it.

"Yeah it's beautiful" Luna replied.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god" Hermione yelled, turning frantic and looking under the cushions.

"No, look don't touch that" Luna yelled at Hermione who glared at her.

"Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough" Hermione yelled "having to give it back to him... hi viktor remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family , oh god and now I'm going to have to return the ring, without the ring , which makes it much harder.

"Easy Mione, we'll find it" Ginny reassured her before turning to the other three "won't we?"

"Oh yeah" said Harry and Neville together.

"Thanks guys" Hermione replied.

"Alright, when did you have it last?" Neville asked.

" Doy, probably right before she lost it?" Luna blurted out. Everyone looked at her and harry raised an eyebrow.

"You don't get a lot of doys these days" he pointed out with his left eyebrow still raises, staring at Luna like she had an extra head growing on her shoulders. Hermione was still frantic, looking for the ring.

"I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with..."

"Dinah?" Harry asked. Hermione turned to look at a dish of lasagne and realised something before turning to Ginny.

"Oh, don't be mad" she told her.

"You didn't" Ginny said disbelievingly, shaking her head, her long red hair flying all over the place.

"Oh I'm sorry" Hermione replied " I am so sorry Gin."

"I gave you one job" Ginny snapped before meaning through the lasagne in the glass dish with Hermione hanging sheepishly behind her.

"Oh, but look how straight the noodles are" she said, trying the change the subject. It wasn't long before the other three had entered the kitchen.

"Now Ginny, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne" Harry told her. Ginny continued searching some more before giving up.

"I just can't do it" she said in a shaky voice. Harry grinned and turned to Luna and Neville.

"Boys, we're going in" he announced before he, Neville and Luna began searching through the lasagne for the ring just as Ron walks into the flat.

"Hi" he greeted in a miserable tone.

"Wow" said Ginny "that is not a happy hi."

"Lavender's Pregnant" Ron said miserably. Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Harry where stunned except for Luna who had managed to find the ring.

"Ooh, I found it" she admitted proudly, holding up the ring.

"Kind of puts that whole pillow thing in perspective huh Ginny?" Harry asked her.

"Well now, how do you fit into this whole thing?" Hermione asked Ron.

"Well. Lavender says she and parvarti want me to be involved but I'm not very comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basicly ,it's entirely up to me" Ron explained.

"She is so great" Luna said randomly "I miss her."

"What does she mean by involved?" Ginny asked her older brother.

"I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done" Harry stated.

"Anyway, they want me to go down to this-sonogram thing with them tomorrow" Ron told them.

"So what are you going to do?" Hermione asked. Ron took a huge breath and shrugged his shoulders.

"I have no idea" he replied "no matter what I do though, I'm still going to be a father." The group suddenly heard a munching noise behind them and turned around to find Neville eating the lasagne. They all stare at him accusingly and he simply slips into a guilty expression.

"Well, this is ruined right?" he asked, gesturing to the half eaten lasagne. Sometime later, Molly and Arthur Weasley were at Ginny's and Hermione flat. Ron and Ginny where pouring some wine for their parents who were sat at the dinner table.

"Oh, Martha ludwin's Daughter is going to call you" Molly told Ginny before eating a bite out of her lunch "mm, what's that curry taste?."

"Curry" Ginny replied, blushing slightly.

"mmmm" said molly, taking another bite.

"Ron, do you remember the Ludwins?" Arthur asked Ron "the big one had a thing for you didn't she?"

"They all had a thing for him" Molly pointed out.

"Aw... Mum" Ron groaned.

"I'm sorry" Ginny piped up "why is this girl going to call me?"

"Oh she just graduated and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or... I don't know" Arthur replied "Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant."

"No mum, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant" Ginny pointed out.

"Oh well, they don't have to know that" Molly replied before she started fluffing a pillow like Ginny did earlier.

"Ron, can you come and help me with the spaghetti please?" Ginny asked Ron as she headed into the kitchen.

"yeah" Ron replied, following after her.

"Oh we're having spaghetti, that's easy" Molly said.

"I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish" Ginny said to Ron "but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing, because I think it might take some of the heat off me." Sometime later, Ron, Ginny, Arthur and Molly were all sat eating their spaghetti.

"What that Hermione did with her life...we ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing well" Molly announced.

"I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding" Arthur pointed out "but forty thousand pounds is a lot of money."

"Well at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar" Molly continued causing Ginny to stare accusingly at her mother.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ginny asked awkwardly. Ron could feel himself going a slight shade of Scarlett.

"Nothing" Molly replied "it's just an expression."

"No it's not" Ginny snapped, getting a little angrier.

"Don't you listen to your mother" Arthur reassured her "you're independent and you always have been, even when you were a kid."

"Ok, ok, I'm fine" Ginny said, as she composed herself before striking a conversation up with Ron "so, Ron, what's going on with you, any stories, no news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?"

"Ok ok" Ron yelled, getting annoyed with his sister "look, I realise you guys have been wondering what happened between me and Lavender and so, well, here's the deal. Lavender is a lesbian, she's living with a woman named parvarti who was in the same year as me at Hogwarts. She's pregnant with my child and she and parvarti are going to raise the baby." He takes a deep breath as both his parents stare at him in stunned silence before Arthur turned his attention to Ginny.

"And you knew about this?" he demanded as Ginny sheepishly bit her bottom lip. Later that same day, the whole gang was at the hogshead pub, sitting in their usual spot and drinking butter beers. Ron and Ginny had just told them about Ron telling their parents about Lavender being a lesbian and how their parents reacted to the news.

"Your folks are really bad huh?" Neville asked.

"Well you know these people are pros" Ron replied "they know what they are doing, they take their time, they get the job done."

"Boy, I know" Ginny added "people say you can't change your parents."

"Must pee" Ron squeaked as he stood up and headed to the toilets as the other five all took a drink from their butterbeers at the same time.

"You know, it's worse when your twins" Luna announced.

"You're twins?" Hermione said, looking gobsmacked at Luna.

"Yeah" Luna replied "but we don't speak, we never got on, that's why she got sent to New York's wizarding academy for girls and not Hogwarts because that's where I went."

"What does she do?" Harry asked.

"She's a waitress" Luna replied.

"All right you guys, I've got to clean up now" Hermione said as she began to tidy away their glasses. The group stood up to leave and Ginny began walking next to Harry.

"Harry, you're an only child right?" Ginny asked "you don't have any of this."

"Well, I didn't have any brothers or sisters, just a bully of a cousin" Harry replied "although, I did have an imaginary friend who... my aunt and uncle actually preferred."

"The lights please" Hermione yelled, cutting of Harry's sentence. Neville switches off the lights and they all left except for Rachel who was continuing to clean up just as Ron emerged from the toilets.

"How long was I in there?" Ron asked after he noticed that everybody had left.

"I'm just cleaning up" Hermione replied as she wiped one of the tables down.

"Do you...uh... do you need any help?" Ron offered.

"Uh...ok...Sure, thanks" Hermione replied as she handed Ron the sweeping brush. Ron began sweeping the floor and Hermione sat down.

"So, you nervous about Viktor tomorrow?" Ron asked as he continued to sweep the floor.

"Oh a little" Hermione replied. Ron stopped sweeping and gave Hermione a disbelieving look.

"A lot" Hermione replied when she noticed the way that Ron was looking at her. Ron then gave a satisfying nod.

"So, have you got any advice?" Hermione asked "You know, as someone who's recently been dumped?"

"Well you want to steer clear of the word dumped" Ron advised "chances are he's going to be this broken shell of a man you know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard or you know uh hey, I'll go down, and I'll give viktor back his ring, and you can go with lavender and parvarti to the OB/GYN..."

"Oh you've got lavender tomorrow" Hermione blurted out "when did it get so complicated?"

"Got me" Ron replied.

"Remember when we were in Hogwarts together?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah" Ron replied.

"I mean, didn't you think you were just going to meet somebody, fall in love and that'll be it?" she noticed that Ron was gazing at her "Ron?"

"Yes, yes" Ron replied.

"Oh man, I'd never thought I'd be here" Hermione said as she leaned back onto Ron's hand.

"Me either" Ron replied as he pulled up a stool to sit down but he didn't pull his hand away from Hermione. A few hours later, Lavender is waiting around for Ron when he came walking through the doors.

"Sorry I'm late" he said as he jogged over to his ex "I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur thing." Lavender nodded as she took it all in and her partner, parvarti entered, holding a drink.

"Hi" she greeted.

"Ron, you remember Pavarti" Lavender told him.

"How could I forget" Ron replied in a slight sarcastic tone.

"Ron" said Pavarti awkwardly as she put her hand out for Ron to shake which he reluctantly took.

"Hello Pavarti" he said in the same awkward manner before turning to Lavender "ok. So who are we waiting for?"

"Dr. Oberman "Lavender replied.

"Dr. Oberman" Ron said "ok, and he's"

"She" parvati corrected him.

"She, of course , she uh, familiar with our special situation?" Ron asked

"yes, and she's very supportive" Lavender replied. Pavarti held out her drink to Ron but he refused it so she handed it to Lavender instead.

"Thanks" Lavender said as she took the drink from Pavarti. Ron picked up a surgical implement and started making quacking noises with it as lavender and Pavarti gave him strange looks.

"Ron, that opens my cervix" lavender replied. Ron yelled in horror and dropped the implement. Meanwhile. Hermione had gone to see viktor who was now working as a dentist and he was with a patient called Robbie.

"Viktor?" Hermione called from round the door.

"Come in" viktor replied in his strong bulgarian accent. Hermione was unsure of wether she should and hesitated for a moment.

"Are your sure?" she asked.

"yeah, it's vine, it's vine" Viktor replied "wobbie's going to be here for hours"

"Huh?" Robbie asked, horrified. Viktor left Robbie sat in the chair and walked over to Hermione.

"So, how vou doing?" he asked her.

"I'm ok?" Hermione replied awkwardly "You look great."

"Yeah.. vell" Viktor replied just as the intercom went off.

Dr. Krum, Jason Greenstein's gagging" said a woman's voice over the intercom.

"Be vight there" Viktor said into the intercom before turning to Robbie and Hermione "Be back in a sec." He ran out of the room and robbie stared at Hermione which seemed to annoy her greatly.

"I dumped him" she told him in a frustrated manner.

"Ok" Robbie replied, like she was something strange. Hermione chose not to speak to him for the rest of the time. Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Lavender was ahving her baby scan, Ron and Pavarti where both in the room with her.

"So, how is this going to work, you know, with us, you know, like when important decisions have to be made?" Ron asked.

"Give me a for instance" Lavener told him.

"Well uh,I don't know" Ron moaned "Ok, ok, how about with the uh, wsith the baby's name."

"Marlon" Lavender suggested.

"Marlon?" Ron asked, horrified.

"If it's a boy" lavender replied as she gave ron an annoyed look "Minnie if it's a girl."

"As in mouse?" Ron asked.

"As in my grandmother" Lavender said in the same annoyed tone again and having the urge to hit Ron where it hurts the most which would probably make him squeal like a girl and cry before running from the building wailing.

"Still, you say Minnie, you hear mouse" Ron pointed out, totally unaware of what unspeakable thing Lavender was planning to do to him if he dared annoy her any further "how about Julia?"

"Julia..." Lavender said.

"We agreed on Minnie" Pavarti declared before glaring at Ron who was giggling slightly

"It's funny" he tittered "we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change , roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table?" Both of the Lesbians looked at him in a weird manner. Back at the Dental surgery where Hermione had gone to see Viktor, Hermione was doing her make up in Viktor's mirror when he walked in through the door.

"Sorry about that" he said "So, vat have vou been up to?"

"Oh not much" Hermione replied "I got a job."

"Oh, that's great" Viktor replied. Hermione took a proper look at Viktor and she noticed that he had got himself a tan.

"Why are-why are you so tanned?" she asked curiously, not taking her eyes of Viktor's tan.

"Oh I uh vent to Aruba" Viktor replied as Hermione looked rather dissappinted when she heard this.

"Oh no" she gasped "you went on our honeymoon alone?"

"I vent with Mindy" Viktor replied to her. Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing right now and had the urge to run out of the room but she still stayed where she was stood.

"Mindy?" she asked "my maid of honour mindy?" Viktor gave her kind of an awkward nod and couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"Oh well um" Hermione said as she walked over to him and grabbed his forehead all of a sudden "you've got plugs."

"Careful" Viktor warned her "they haven't quite taken yet."

"And you're got lenses" Hermione said, pointing at his eyes "but you hate sticking your finger in your eye."

"Listen" Viktor said as he slowly put Hermione's arm down "I really vanted to thank you.

"Ok" Hermione replied, not sure of what he was talking about.

"See about a month ago , I vanted to hurt you" Viktor admitted "more than I've ever vanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist."

"Wow" said Hermione who was slightly amazed.

"You know, you were right?" Viktor told her "I mean, I thought ve vere happy,ve vern't happy. But with mindy, now I'm happy." Hermione nodded before she took the ring out of her purse and handed it to Viktor.

"I guess this belongs to you" Hermione said as Viktor took the ring from her "and thankyou for giving it to me." Viktor simply retunrs a smile to Hermione and she retunrs one back. Elsewhere, Ron, Lavender and Pavarti were still at the clinic.

"Oh please" Pavarti protested "what's wrong with Helen?"

"Helen Weasley?" Ron snapped back "I don't think so." Lavender glared at him like he was an idiot or something.

"Hello" she said in a sarcastic manner "it's not going to be Helen Weasley."

"Thankyou" said Ron in relieve and giving Pavarti a look of triumph on his face as Lavender gave Ron a small tap on his arm.

"No, I mean, it's not Weasley" she pointed out to him.

"What'it's going to be Helen -brown?" Ron asked in horror.

"No actually we talked about Helen pati-brown" Lavender suggested. Ron was now open mouthed with shock.

"Well wait a minute" he protested "why is she in the title?"

"It's my baby too" pavarti pointed out to him.

"Oh it's funny really?" Ron asked "because i don't think you're capable of the male reproductive system."

"Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is" Pavarti replied in sarcasm.

"All right stop it you two" Lavender said as she was getting rathey annoyed at the pair of them bickering.

"No no no" Ron protested "she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too."

"Ron, you're not actually suggesting Helen pati-brown-weasley, because I think that borders on child abuse" Lavender snapped.

"Of course not, I'm suggesting Weasley-pati-brown" Ron suggested with an awkward smile on his face much to lavender's annoyance.

"Oh no no nooooo, you see waht he's doing?" Pavarti asked, gesturing to Ron" he knows, no-one's going to say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Weasley, then he get's his way." Ron at that point was now seeing red.

"My way?" Ron raged, his face going a bright shade of red "you-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, his is not my way." Both Lavender and pavarti rolled their eyes in protest just as Doctor oberman walked into the room.

" Hello, how are we today, any nausea?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah a little" all three of them said at the same time. The Doctor gave both Ron and pavarti a strange look.

"Well I was just wondering about the mother to be, but thanks for sharing" Doctor Oberman said.

"You know what "Ron said awkwardly as he stood up and headed to the door "I'm going to go, I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now." He tunrs to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches his ear. He returns back into the room and stares at it, transfixed.

"Oh my god" he said, getting slightly choked up.

"Look at that" said pavarti, also looking at the sonogram.

"I know" Lavender added who was also getting choked up aswell. Sometime later, the whole gang was round at Ginny's and Hermione flat, watching the sonogram on the tv.

"Well isn't that amazing?" said Ron, pointing at the tv.

"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" Neville asked, squinting his eyes at the blurred image of the baby.

"I don't know " Harry pointed out "but, I think it's about to attack the enterprise."

"You know , if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes, it kind of looks like an old potatoe" Luna said.

"Then don't do that alright?" Ron advised.

"Ok" Luna replied. Ron stood up and walked over to Ginny who's eyes were a little teary and red.

"Ginny, what do you think?" Ron asked his younger sister.

"Mm-hmmm" Ginny replied as she started to well up and Ron looked at his siter with concern.

"Wh-are you weling up?" he asked her.

"No" Ginny lied as she quickly wiped her eyes, looking embarrassed.

"You are " Ron said "you're welling up."

"Am not" Ginny protested.

"You're going to be an aunt" Ron said.

"Oh shut up" Ginny wailed as she pushed Ron and started to cry. Meanwhile, Hermione was on the phone to Mindy.

"Hi, Mindy, hi, it's me Hermione. Yeah I'm fine, I saw Viktor today. Oh yeah, yeah he told me. No, no it's ok, I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, Oh and mind, you know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids-and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose" she slammed the phone down and tunred to the group who were all staring at her "Ok, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better know." She simnply smiles and goes to sit with the group.

End of episode two.


	4. the one with the thumb

The one with the thumb

It was a Saturday and the whole group except for Luna was at the hogsheads pub sat in their usual place when Luna entered and made her way over to the group.

"Hi guys" she greeted as she sat down in her favorite seat as the other five said hi to her at the same time.

"Hey, so how did it go?" Ron asked her as she placed her shoulder bag on the ground next to her feet.

"Um not so good" Luna replied "he walked me to the subway and said we should do this again." The other five all looked at each other for about five minutes before turning their attention back to Luna.

"What?" Hermione asked "he said we should do it again, that's good right?"

"Uh no" Ginny piped up "loosely translated, we should do this again means you will never see me naked." Hermione gave Ginny a look of pure disgust.

"Since when?" Hermione asked.

"Since always" Neville pointed out "it's like a dating language. You know, like it's not you means it is you."

"Or you're such a nice guy means I'm going to be dating leather wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you" Harry added.

"Or, or, you know, um, I think we should see other people means ha ha, I already am" Luna replied.

"And everybody knows this?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Yeah" Neville pointed out "cushions the blow."

"Yeah" Harry indicated "it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm."

"That's funny that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm" Ron announced.

"Uh, Ron" Ginny pointed out.

"What?" Ron said to his sister "wh-hello, the Milner's farm in Ireland, the Milners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had Horses and Rabbits that he could chase and it was like oh my god, chi, chi." They all looked at Ron like he had sprouted carrots out of his ears and had lettuce growing from his nostrils. Sometime later, over at Harry and Neville's flat, Harry was helping Neville rehearsing for a play.

"So how does it feel knowing your about to die?" Harry read from the script.

"Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die" Said Neville as he also read from the script. Harry lowered his script and looked at Neville in amazement.

"Hey, that was really good" he told Neville.

"Thanks" said Neville "let's keep going."

"Ok" said Harry as he held the script up again and read from it "So, what do you want from me, Damone, huh?"

"I just want to go back to my cell. Because in my cell, I can smoke" Neville said as he read his line from the script.

"Smoke away" Harry read. Neville took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his jeans pocket. He fumbled around with the lighter but he ended up dropping the later so he picked it up, lit a cigarette, took a drag and he started coughing.

"I think this probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone" Harry pointed out.

"What?" a horrified Neville asked.

"Relax your hand" Harry ordered. Neville then allowed his wrist to go limp.

"Not so much" Harry advised "alright, now try taking a puff." Neville tried to do so and he winced.

"Alright, give it to me" Harry ordered, holding his hand out.

"No, no, no, I'm not giving you the cigarette" Neville declared furiously.

"Look" barked Harry "do you want to get this part or not, hand over the cigarette." Neville groaned and reluctantly handed the cigarette over to Harry.

"Don't think of it as a cigarette" Harry advised "think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right, you feel complete."

"You miss it?" Neville asked.

"Nah, not so much, alright, now we smoke" said Harry before taking a puff from the cigarette "oh my god." He continued to smoke. Later that day, the gang except for Hermione and Luna were at the Hogshead pub.

"No, no, no" Ginny yelled "they say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger." Harry, Ron and Neville all stretched out their fingers.

"That's ridiculous" Neville pointed out.

"Can I use either thumb?" Ron asked as Hermione came sauntering over with the drinks.

"Alright, don't tell me, low fat butterbeer for Neville, extra sugar coated and an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this" she announced as she felt really proud of herself.

"Yeah, yeah, excellent" they all said.

"Good for me" Hermione said cheerfully as she went off to serve other customers just as a fed up looking Luna came sauntering over to them without saying hello.

"You ok Luna?" Neville asked as she sat between him and Harry.

"Yeah-no-I'm just-it's, I haven't worked –it's my bank" Luna replied.

"What did they do to you?" Ginny asked as she took out a tube of lipstick and put it on her lips.

"It's nothing, it's just-ok. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, statement" Luna blurted out angrily.

"Easy" said Ron, trying to calm her down.

"And there's five hundred extra pounds in my account" Luna pointed out.

"Oh, satan's minions at work again" Harry stated.

"Yes" Luna said "cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them." Neville then gave Luna a quizzical look.

"What are you talking about?" he asked "keep it."

"It's not mine, I didn't earn it" Luna replied "if I kept it, it would be like stealing."

"Yeah, but if you spend it, it would be like shopping" Hermione suggested. The other five looked at her like she had just gone wrong all of a sudden.

"Ok, Ok, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes" Luna explained "do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? Not mine. Not mine. And even if i was happy, ok and skipping- not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine."

"We're with you" Ginny said, putting a comforting arm around her as Harry leaned back over the couch,out of sight.

"Ok" Luna said "I'd just, I would never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt." Hermione came walking along and she noticed that Harry was crouched down the back of the couch.

"Harry, what are you doing?" she asked. Ginny tunred round and grabbed Harry by the collar and pulled him up.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she asked. Harry tries to shrug nonchalantly but he puls of a cigarette and exhales a huge mouthful. All the other five looked at him in disgust.

"What is this?" Ron yelled.

"I'm smoking, I'm smoking,I'm smoking" Harry blurted out. Luna looked at him in horror.

"Oh I can't believe you" she yelled "you've been so good, for three years."

"And this" Harry replied, showing of the lit cigarette in his hand "is my reward." He was about to take another drag but Ron stopped him.

"Hold on a second, alright" he said "just thing about what you went through the last time you quit."

"Ok,so this time I won't quit" Harry said. He went to take another puff but the others tell him to put it out.

"All right,I'm putting it out" Harry barked before dropping it into Luna's butterbeer. She looked at it in disgust.

"Oh,no, I can't drink this now" she said,pushing the glass away. Ginny stood up and threw on her jacket.

"Alright. I'm going to go change, I've got a date" she told them as she zipped up her jacket. Hermione came walking over, looking excited.

"This Alan again? How's it going?" she asked with a hint of interest in her tone of voice and Ginny smiled back at her friend.

"It's going pretty good, you know? It's nice, and, we're having fun" she replied as everyone else listened in interest.

"So when do we get to meet the guy?" Neville asked curiously as Ginny raised her eyebrow at him.

"Let's see, today's Monday... Never." Ginny replied. The other five all groaned in response and Ginny placed her hands on her hips with a deep sigh.

"No" she told them sternly "Not after what happened with Steve."

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked "We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy" he noticed that everyone was staring at him "Sorry."

"Look" Ginny pointed out "I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out."

"Well, then can we meet him?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"Nope, sorry" Ginny replied before heading off on her way. A while later, she was at work talking to her co-worker Paula about her date.

"I mean, why should I let them meet him?" she asked "I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like-coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd." Paula nodded along as she hung onto every word she was saying.

"Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you" she explained.

"I know" Ginny agreed "I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked." Paula then slowly opened her mouth and nodded, realizing where Ginny was getting at.

"Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy" Paula explained to her as they carried on with their work. Meanwhile, over at Ginny and Hermione's flat, Harry was smoking on the balcony whilst the others expect for Luna who wasn't there were all sat inside. Ginny had just allowed them to meet her new date.

"Now, do you all promise to be good?" she told them in a very stern voice. Neville, Hermione and Ron all nodded with a few murmurs of "yes" and "we'll be good." Satisfied, Ginny then walked over to the window.

"Harry? Do you promise to be good?" she yelled to Harry through the window who made a cross my heart sign with his fingers. A little while later, it began to rain and Harry who was still outside smoking the cigarette was tapping on the window to be let in.

"You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!" Neville pointed out. Miserably, Harry picked up a dustbin lid and sheltered himself under it just as Luna entered the flat without saying hello, Instead, she plonked herself down on the sofa and began to read a letter she was holding in her hand.

"Hey, Luna" Ron said, moving towards her. Luna simply ignored him and began to read her letter out loud.

"Dear Ms. Lovegood. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred pounds. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this? Now I have a thousand pounds, and a football phone!"

"What bank is that?" Hermione asked. Just then, they heard the door bell and Ginny went to see who it was.

"Who is it?" she asked from the door.

"It's Alan" came a man's voice from the other side. Neville got really excited and ran towards the window.

"Harry, he's here" he yelled to Harry who was still outside in the rain. The boy who lived came walking back into the flat, dripping wet from the rain. The door opened and Alan walked in. he was a tall dark haired man in his mid twenties.

"Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan" Ginny said, introducing everybody.

"Hi" Alan said. Everyone said hello to him. It was then revealed that Alan had a speech problem.

"I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!" he said to them. Later that evening, Ginny was stood at the door with Alan, saying goodbye to him.

" Bye, I'll call you tomorrow" she said to him. Alan waved goodbye and left. Ginny closed the door and walked over to the other five with a suspicious look on her face "Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's going to take the first shot, hmm?" No one said anything, they just remained silent. Ginny looked at them with her right eyebrow raised.

" Come on" she urged them.

"Ok, I'll go" Ron said, standing up "Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him." The other four all nodded as they agreed with what Ron was saying.

"And did you notice?" Hermione asked as she spread her thumb and index finger together.

"Know what was great?" Neville said "The way his smile was kind of crooked."

"Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!" Luna pointed out. Everyone turned to look at her like she had gone insane.

"What shoe?" Ron asked.

"From the nursery rhyme" Luna replied before singing "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a... while..." There was an awkward silence for a fair few seconds before Ron plucked up the courage to speak again.

"So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured" he pointed out as Hermione walked over to him.

"Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm going to be doing that at parties, right?" Hermione said.

"You know what I like most about him, though?" Ron asked. The other five simply shook their heads, not getting what Ron was talking about.

"The way he makes me feel about myself" Ron replied. It was then when everyone else knew what he meant and they all agreed with him. The next morning, Ginny was sat alone in the hog's head pub waiting for Ron, Hermione, Harry and Neville who had gone off to a qudditch match and she had been waiting for half an hour when they came walking in, dressed in qudditch gear.

"Hi, how was the game?" Ginny asked as the four of them sat down.

"Well, we won" Ron yelled. Ginny squealed in excitement and threw her arms around her older brother.

"Fantastic! I have one question, how is that possible?" she asked.

"Alan" Neville pointed out.

"He was unbelievable" Ron added "He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base." Hermione was nodding in agreement.

"I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team" she explained.

"Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about qudditch" Harry added.

"Can I ask you guys a question?" Ginny asked "do you ever think that Alan is maybe sometimes.."

"What?" Ron asked curiously.

"I don't know, a little too Alan?" Ginny asked.

"Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan" Hermione replied with a giggle.

"Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore" Ron added as Harry and Neville both nodded in agreement.

"I personally could have a gallon of Alan" Harry stated. Elsewhere, Luna was in the village walking towards a young woman whose name was Lizzie.

"Hey, Lizzie" Luna greeted as she approached her.

"Hey, weird girl" Lizzie replied back.

"I brought you alphabet soup" Luna stated, pulling out a can of soup from her bag. Lizzie took the can from her and placed it in her own bag.

"Did you pick out the vowels?" she asked Luna who nodded.

"Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, you know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you" she replied.

"Saltines?" Lizzie asked.

"No" Luna replied "but would you like a thousand pounds and a football phone?"

"What?" Lizzie asked. Luna handed her an envelope that she took from her bag and Lizzie opened it.

"Oh my God, there's really money in here" she yelled.

"I know" Luna replied in agreement. Lizzie went to hand the envelope back to Luna but she shoved it away.

"Weird Girl, what are you doing?" Lizzie asked as Luna handed the envelope back to her.

"I want you to have it, I don't want it" Luna stated. Lizzie was grateful at was Luna was doing but it didn't seem right.

"No, no, I ha-I have to give you something" she insisted but Luna shook her head.

"Oh, that's fine, no" she replied.

"Would you like my tin-foil hat?" Lizzie asked, showing Luna homemade tin foiled hat.

"No, because you need that" Luna replied shaking her head.

"Please, let me do something?" Lizzie pleaded.

"Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?" Luna suggested. Lizzie nodded and the pair of them headed down the street. Over at Harry's work place, Harry was sat in his office block. He looked around to check that no one was looking before he pulled the drawers open, took out a cigarette and took a huge drag from it before he put it back in the drawer. He then took hold of a nearby air freshener and sprayed it around his office before taking some breath spray to get rid of the smoky smell from his mouth. He then put the breath freshener down on the desk to type for a moment before he took another puff from his cigarette. Harry then placed the cigarette back in the drawer and accidently sprayed the breath freshener around the room before he took a squirt of the air freshener in his mouth which caused him to gag.

Elsewhere, Lizzie and Luna where stood at a soda stand where Lizzie was buying Luna a can of soda.

"Sure you don't want a pretzel?" Lizzie asked Luna as she handed the can to her.

"No, I'm fine "Luna replied. Lizzie nodded and walked away just as Luna opened her can and was horrified to find a human thumb floating in it. Later, she had gone to the Hog's head pub to tell the others about her discovery.

"A thumb?" Ron asked with a puzzled look on his face. Luna nodded and the other five were all grossed out.

"I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!" Luna explained.

"Well, maybe it's a contest, you know?" Harry stated "Like, collect all five?" Everyone else looked at him just as Luna took out the can which contained the thumb.

"Does, um, anyone want to see?" she asked them but neither of them wanted to see a human thumb floating in a can of soda. Harry took out a cigarette, lit it and everyone told him to cut it out.

"It's worse than the thumb!" Hermione said as she snatched the cigarette away from Harry's mouth.

"Hey, this is so unfair" Harry protested.

"Oh, why is it so unfair?" Ginny asked.

"So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Neville's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ron, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Ginny, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?" Harry asked. There was an uncomfortable silence from the group until Neville was the first to speak up.

"Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Well, I-I could live without it" Hermione replied.

"Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Luna chews her hair?" Neville asked. Everyone turned to Luna who was chewing on her hair and when she noticed that everyone was watching her, she quickly spat it out from her mouth.

"Oh, now, don't listen to him, Luna, I think its endearing" Ron said to her.

"Oh" said Neville before doing an impression of Ron "you do, do you?" Ginny then snorted with laughter as Ron gave her a disapproving look.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly" he protested.

"Indeed there isn't" Hermione said, also imitating Ron before slipping back into her normal voice "I should really get back to work." She headed off to serve customers as Luna spoke up again.

"Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered" she shouted over to Hermione who glared at her then walked back over to the group.

"Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on" she stated. Soon, the five members of the group where bickering as Harry happily started to smoke. Later that afternoon, Ginny and Paula where at work having another conversation.

"Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?" Ginny asked. Paula shook her head.

"Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like" Ginny continued. Paula stopped what she was doing and looked at Ginny.

"Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!" she replied.

"Can you believe it?" Ginny asked ".You know what? I just don't feel _the thing_. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing." Paula took a deep sigh and put her hand on Ginny's shoulder.

"Honey.. You should always feel _the thing_. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Ginny, dump him!" she advised.

"I know... it's going to be really hard" Ginny replied.

"Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it" Paula stated.

"No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about" Ginny replied. Over at the Hog's head pub, the guys where there, Neville and Ron where lecturing Harry about his smoking.

"Do you have any respect for your body?" Neville asked as Harry took another drag.

"Don't you realize what you're-you're doing to yourself?" Ron added. Harry was beginning to get a little annoyed with the lecturing.

"Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it" he replied just as Hermione came walking over holding a phone.

"Harry, it's Alan he wants to speak with you" Hermione said as she handed Harry the phone.

"Oh really does he?" Harry asked as he took the phone and began speaking into it "Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..Well, that's true, Gee, you know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks!." He then handed the phone back to Hermione and stubbed his cigarette out.

"God he's good" Hermione said to Ron as he stood up.

"If only he where a woman" Ron replied.

"Yeah" Hermione said in agreement. A few hours later, the gang except for Ginny and Neville where watching lambchop at Ginny and Hermione's.

"Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too" Harry said, indicating to the TV.

"Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch" Ron stated just as Ginny walked through the door.

"Hey, where's Neville?" she asked as she hung her coat up on the hanger.

"Neville ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?" Harry asked in a sarcastic manner.

"I think he's across the hall" Hermione informed. Ginny nodded and went to fetch him just as Ron finished changing Harry's nicotine patch.

"There you go" he said.

"Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now" Harry said in a deadpan voice. Ron sighed and turned towards Luna who was holding a pop-tart.

"Hey Luna, you going to have the rest of that Pop-Tart?..Luna?" Ron asked Luna who wasn't paying much attention.

"Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?" she asked them.

"Hey, I might" Ron indicated with annoyance.

"Sorry" Luna replied as she handed Ron the pop-tart "You, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand pounds for the thumb."

"You're kidding" Hermione stated.

"And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?" she screeched just as Ginny walked back in, Dragging Neville who had just come out the shower.

"What's going on?" he asked as Ginny dragged him into the front room.

"Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together" Ginny replied.

"Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear" Neville pointed out.

"Uh, Neville" Hermione said, pointing at his legs.

"Oh god" Neville said as he quickly closed his knees. Ginny then went to switch the TV off and they all groaned at her.

"Please guys, we have to talk" she told them sternly.

"Wait, wait, I'm getting a _deja vu_...no, I'm not" Luna pointed out as she went panicky before relaxing again.

"Alright we have to talk" Ginny informed.

"There it is" Luna blurted out causing everyone to look at her in a strange way. Ginny then cleared her throat and began talking to them.

"Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan" she explained to them before they all gasped and clutched each other.

"Is there someone else?" Ron asked.

"No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change" Ginny explained to them.

"We didn't change" Hermione pointed out.

"So that's it? It's over? Just like that?" a horrified Neville blurted out.

"You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-" Luna said before stopping to chew her hair.

"Look, I- I could go on pretending-" Ginny replied.

"Ok" Neville said, cutting her off. Ginny gave him the evil stare before finishing off her sentence.

"-but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!" she explained.

"Who-who wants fair? You , I just want things back. You know, the way they were" Ron informed.

"I'm sorry" Ginny replied in an awkward voice.

"Oh she's sorry, I feel better" Harry said sarcastically and Hermione was getting all tearful.

"I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-"she sobbed. Ginny sighed and put a comforting arm round Hermione's shoulders.

"I'll meet someone else. There'll be other Alans." She informed as the others all nodded in agreement.

"Are you guys going to be okay?" she asked them with concern.

"Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just going to need a little time" Ron replied.

"I understand" Ginny said in a dubious voice. A while later, Ginny and Alan where in a restaurant where she had just told him what she had told her Friends.

"Wow" he said amazement and shock.

"I'm, I'm really sorry" Ginny replied.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I got to tell you, I am a little relieved" Alan replied as Ginny looked a little puzzled.

"Relieved?" she asked in confusion. Alan nodded.

"Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends" he indicated. Later that evening, the gang where all at Ginny and Hermione's eating icecream and talking about Alan

"Remember when we went to the black lake and rented a boat, that was fun" Hermione said.

"Yeah. He could row like a Viking" Ron said just as Ginny came walking in.

"Hi" she said.

"So, how did it go?" Ron asked as Ginny hung her coat up.

"Oh, you know" she replied as she walked into the front room.

"Did he mention us?" Luna asked.

"He said he's really going to miss you guys" Ginny replied with a dubious look on her face and Ron noticed that she was feeling down.

"You had a rough day, huh.. come here" he said. Ginny sat down next to him and he stroked her forehead. Harry was beginning to feel uncomfortable .

"That's it. I'm getting cigarettes" he informed, standing up to get some as the others tried to stop him.

"I don't care, I don't care! Games over! I'm weak! I've got to smoke! I've got to have the smoke!" he yelled before turning to leave.

"If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!" Luna yelled as Harry walked out the door only for him to walk back in again.

"Yeah, alright" he said as he walked back into the room.

End of episode three.


End file.
